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10 Mistakes to Avoid while Drunk Surfing

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For those who like to enjoy an adult beverage or ten, there are certain rules you have to follow when it comes to “great ideas” such as “Drunk Dialing,” “Drunk Texting,” and of course,  “Drunk Surfing.”  It could happen to anyone (over the age of 21.)  All are real, and all are dangerous!

So in the sake of public awareness, I found this blog by Brandon Scott Gorrell, and it makes a few valid points when it comes to proper internet etiquette while imbibing.

Here are 10 mistakes to avoid while drunk surfing.

1. ‘Carpet Bombing.’ Drunkenly over-commenting on Twitter, peoples’ Facebook walls, and blog arguments they don’t actually give a hoot about while sober. Examples of ‘carpet bombing’ include excessive commenting on a particular blog with extremely enthusiastic or negative comments on every article published in the past month on said blog, excessive Twitter replying to the extent that the majority of replies are directed at completely unknown entities (i.e. celebrities and internet crushes), and excessive ‘intruding’ on Facebook wall conversations with asinine, meaningless comments such as “yeah omg lol,” “hahahahaha,” etc.

2. Announcing to the internet that you’re drunk lol. Admitting… you’re drinking by yourself in a dark room lit only by the soft glow of your computer screen.

3. Oversharing. Examples: “been one year since he broke up with me and I still want him back…,” “this is my first drink in 6 months. guess I just fell off the wagon,” “she won’t even touch me in bed anymore and she expects me not to care???” You get the idea.

4. ‘Breaking the ice’ on Gchat when it wasn’t meant to be. There’s nothing more unpleasant than idly browsing the internet when a drunk Gmail chatter who you know only vaguely chats you and is obviously desirous of an intensely earnest conversation about altogether remedial subjects as elusive and boring as How One Is Doing and How One’s Life is going.

5. Stalking exes. Besides famine, disease, miserable suffering, etc., there are few things in life as depressing as a bottle of whiskey, a dark room, and your ex’s Facebook profile. Just stop.

6. Talking crap about exes publicly. Likely to follow a drunk stalking session, drunk Tweeting about how much of a ‘b-word’ your ex-girlfriend doesn’t actually make your ex-girlfriend look like a b-word, as you probably hope it does. It just makes you look like a sad, lonely alcoholic. Entirely unbecoming, really.

7. Extremely emo status updates. Though, you’re not even trying to blame someone for your unhappiness – you’re wallowing in it. Cheer up, drunk emo kid. Or, at least, close the laptop and turn up The Cure.

8. Excessive typos. Nothing says you’re miserably depressed more than sappy emails, Gchat conversations, tweets and status updates full of your drunken typos. Real life equivalent here is, obviously, slurring your words.

9. Demanding video chats. Drunkenly demanding loose acquaintances to have enthusiastic video chats with you is an altogether unwelcome experience for said acquaintance. Society isn’t all that comfortable with video chatting yet, and this is especially true when some drunk a$$ fool starts your chat by simply ‘calling’ you with the video feature in Gmail.

10. Revealing your crush to your crush. Believe me – let it happen soberly, in real life. You’ll thank me later.

Now be honest, have you ever drunk dialed/texted/surfed?  Any good stories to share?

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