Charlie Sheen Wants to Put on a Cape and Save Lindsay Lohan – Without Sleeping With Her
"I have a kinship with somebody [Lindsay] who clearly needs a mentor, whether she wants one or not," Sheen said. "She can continue to hang out with her dress shredding club buddies, or turn to me for some advice from a guy who's been down the road as well as every other side trail on the journey."
(Sounds like he's mad about that dress thing.)
"If she listens, she'll win. If she doesn't, that's on her."
As for whether or not his motives and intentions are pure, Sheen insists he's not out to get into Lohan's pants (or ripped dresses, as it were).
"I love her, I respect her, and I've never laid a finger on her that wasn't on film. How ya like me now, America?"
That's good, considering she'd never kiss him on the mouth anyway -- chances are she wouldn't kiss him anywhere else, either.