Police Officer Claims Girlfriend Attacked Him With Justin Bieber Doll

Justin Bieber dolls (or action figures, if you’re particular about that type of classification) are not just collectible items. They’re dangerous weapons. You don’t need a Glock when a Biebs doll can immobilize your significant other during a domestic dispute.

Seriously, we can’t make this stuff up! Denver police officer Michael Nuanes, 37, was arrested for reportedly beating his girlfriend. They were arguing when she retaliated and assaulted him with the doll that is presumably owned by a child (that we hope was nowhere in the vicinity of this altercation) they know. Nevertheless, Nuanes said that the beating with the doll injured his foot. Poor guy.

The Huffington Post reports that the doll bruised his foot and caused him pain. Again, can we get an “Aw, poor baby?” The girlfriend also bit his finger, which hurt, too. She accused him of punching her in the ribs and pulling her hair out.

Nuanes has been reassigned to desk duty after being freed on $1500 bond. Charges have yet to be filed against his girlfriend.

Poor Biebs. Why did these two have to drag his good name (and likeness) into their mess? He is a model citizen and upstanding member of the community.