Mila Kunis kept mum on her pregnancy and engagement to Ashton Kutcher for so long -- but now she is an open book, revealing some pretty intimate (and hilarious) details about this exciting time in her life in Marie Claire's July 2014 issue.

First things first: She's pretty thrilled about her boobs.

"They've tripled in size," she gushed. "I was a 34A; now I'm a 36C. I'm so excited! I'm telling everyone I know, 'Go ahead, touch them!'"

Kunis may be liberal about who she lets touch her chest, but don't expect that openness to translate into the delivery room.

"Two people are allowed in my delivery room. My doctor and my significant other. And [Kutcher] is staying above the action," she explained. "He'll be head to head. Not head to vag[ina]. Unless he wants to risk his life and see. But I wouldn't if I were him. I highly doubt he wants to see that being ripped apart and shredded."

"Because it will be shredded," she continued boldly. "It's just a matter of how badly."

While we can't stop laughing at Kunis' honesty, there are a few things that she gets serious about: Namely, her relationship with Kutcher and their future children.

"One day, it just changed. All of a sudden, it wasn't the same. And I was really proud of myself for acknowledging that," she said of her friendship with her former 'That '70s Show' co-star. "The best day of my life so far was the proposal. I cried. I was a mess. Not to discredit any relationships in my past, but this relationship is different."

So sweet! And as for what she hopes their future kids are like, Kunis has one simple wish.

"I just don't want my kids to be a--holes. I feel like so many kids nowadays are," she reveled. "Both of us just want to have well-behaved, honest, nice children who people meet and say, 'That's a good kid.'"

We don't think that will be a problem.

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