We don’t really need further evidence that we are living in a total nightmare (or an alternate timeline, if you’re one of Those People), but then a piece of news comes along that forces us to confront the true horror of reality by offering a painful glimpse at a beautiful life that could’ve been — and never was (at least not in this timeline, if you’re one of Those People). Today, it’s the heartbreaking revelation that Jeff Goldblum — national treasure, king of the silver foxes and master of the universe — could have been the voice of Siri on your iPhone. In the mournful words of the wise Adele, WE COULD’VE HAD IT AAAALLLLLL.
It’s a story fit for a mediocre rom-com: A 37-year-old man from Austin, Texas is suing a woman for texting during a screening of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. And not just some random stranger, either — she was his date. In what he describes as “a first date from hell,” the woman allegedly refused to put her phone away and continued to text until he finally suggested she take the conversation outside. She did just that, taking her phone out of the theater, through the lobby, and out to the parking lot, where she drove off and left her date without a ride home.
Even though Jean Dujardin was the obvious choice, Ewan McGregor delivered a perfectly charming take on Lumiere in Disney’s live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast. Not only was the film a huge hit at the box-office (breaking a record previously held by Star Wars — STAR WARS), but it seems like McGregor was a hit with Disney, as the studio is eyeing the actor to take the lead in another live-action project based on a beloved classic property.
Holy freakin’ cow — that is basically the only practical response to tonight’s late-breaking news. Jeff Goldblum is officially returning to the land of the dinosaurs to reprise his iconic role as Dr. Ian Malcolm in the upcoming Jurassic World sequel. Will he remove his shirt? Will he deliver the signature goofy laugh that spawned one of the greatest YouTube remixes of all time? Will he be bringing any of his former co-stars (like Laura Dern, who recently expressed an interest) with him? We have, uh, so many questions.
You know the drill: Every month, Netflix Instant delivers a glorious bounty of new titles for us to stream until we can’t feel our butts anymore. But just as Netflix giveth, so must they taketh away, and with each new month comes a list of movies and TV shows that are set to expire from the streaming service — some temporarily, some perhaps forever. Think of it as your monthly reminder to stop procrastinating with that bloated queue of yours.
Get your Prince Ali mash-up memes ready because Will Smith might be taking on the role of the charismatic Genie in Disney’s live-action remake of Aladdin. The studio was previously in talks with Smith to play the villain role in Tim Burton’s live-action Dumbo movie, and although those discussions ultimately fell apart, it looks as though Disney might be able to land the actor for a part in another one of their many, many, many live-action remakes.
You’re going to want to be seated for this one, preferably somewhere private and removed from other, more rational members of society. There’s a trailer for a new Tom and Jerry movie — yes, the Tom and Jerry, the famous animated duo whose classic shorts were so casually racist that Warner Bros. eventually re-released them with a taped disclaimer from Whoopi Goldberg. But this isn’t your usual T&J romp. If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Willy Wonka was great and all but man, it really needed the awkwardly shoehorned perspective of a cartoon cat and mouse,” then this movie trailer is for you.
The ratio of Netflix Originals to acquired content continues to skew more toward the former each month, and May is absolutely stacked with fresh original films, comedy specials and TV shows — including new season premieres of some of our favorite series, like Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Master of None (finally!), Sense8, Bloodline, House of Cards and more. As for original films, next month’s additions include War Machine, along with specials from beloved comedians like Marie Bamford and Tracy Morgan.
Don Rickles’ talents were seemingly limitless: An outrageous insult comic, a gifted dramatic actor, a welcome sight on stages and screens (big and small), and a constant presence whose career endured for decades, often surpassing his contemporaries. And now he’s gone on to join them, as the legendary Rickles passed away today, April 6, at the age of 90.
OK, it’s not exactly the most surprising news, but it does offer another shred of optimism for those who were maybe a teensy bit disappointed with Jurassic World (that might be an understatement); and if you weren’t, you can just add this to your list of reasons to be excited for J.A. Bayona’s sequel. As confirmed by producer Colin Trevorrow, the one and only T-Rex will return when the park — or something like it — re-opens in Jurassic World 2, which hits theaters in 2018.
Just last night, Woody Harrelson offered a few details regarding his role in Phil Lord and Chris Miller’s young Han Solo movie, in which the actor (and former pothead, thankyouverymuch) will play mentor to Alden Ehrenreich. As for the rest of it, Disney CEO Bob Iger has revealed some new plot intel for the Star Wars spinoff, which apparently explores how Han met Chewie and acquired the Millennium Falcon, as well as…well, that’s the confusing part.
Every month, as dozens of new titles are added to Netflix Instant’s vast streaming library (with even more possibilities for your endlessly indecisive scrolling), several movies and TV shows are taken away, spirited into the expiration ether. Now’s the time to stop procrastinating and do a little spring queue-cleaning by watching some of these titles before they disappear — possibly for good. Read on for a full list of what’s expiring from Netflix Instant in April.
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