The latest offering from Bruno Mars called 'Gorilla' is a sex fueled, raunchy song meant to invoke feelings of passion and love in the listener, but really, who wants to make love like a gorilla anyway?

While I think gorillas are cool animals, I also think that gorillas are nasty, dirty, smelly animals, and it might be the last animal I would think about while doing it.

Let us now examine some of the lyrics that make up this primitive tale:

Ooh I got a body full of liquor

With a cocaine kicker

And I'm feeling like I'm thirty feet tall

So lay it down, lay it down

 

No wonder you think you're a gorilla if you're drunk and high on cocaine, and laying down is the last thing you want to do if you're likely going to barf and pass out.

Look what you're doing, look what you've done

But in this jungle you can't run

'Cause what I got for you

I promise it's a killer,

You'll be banging on my chest

Bang bang, gorilla

 

While researching this story I watched several videos of gorillas getting it on, and I can tell you that gorillas aren't doing it missionary position, so you probably would not be banging on his chest, but rather the ground.

Yeah, I got a fistful of your hair

But you don't look like you're scared

You just smile and tell me, "Daddy, it's yours."

'Cause you know how I like it,

You's a dirty little lover

Again, referring to my research of gorillas doing it, gorillas aren't grabbing hair, they aren't talking dirty, in fact all the gorillas I watched getting it on were quite boring and slow, nothing like it is described in the song. And I will add the word "Daddy" should NEVER be used while doing this activity.

I bet you never ever felt so good, so good

I got your body trembling like it should, it should

You'll never be the same baby once I'm done with you

You

Oh, you with me baby making love like gorillas

I bet "you'll never be the same baby" after making love like gorillas, I bet your body is covered in fleas and monkey poo, that is what's causing "your body trembling."

So, recapping, making love like a dirty, smelly gorilla is not ok, not sexy and not romantic, it is just plain gross!